Fiction Stuff

[caraig]

Remember "Hiwon," that kind of creepy story that came from a dream I had? A few days ago I had "Hiwon's" brother. And I tried to write it down and expand on it, but unfortunately I got out of the writing mood later that day and didn't get it finished. And so this one has a pretty lame ending, kind of not knowing where to go. So please feel free to critique it, and be as brutal as you need to be. I added a title/logo to it as practice for graphics design and to see what I could make a computer-generated image do. Here is the story itself. Enjoy. Pax.

Comments

[tigerfae.livejournal.com]

That was very well written. It kept me enthralled until the end, which is really rare for me.

I only have one suggestion for you, which concerns the paragraph below.

"We hesitated, half-expecting the girl to explode into some beast from the nethermost part of our nightmares. Instead, eyes open but not seeing us, she sang the lyric again, as she held herself."

When you mention that you are half-expecting the girl to turn into a beast, you are voicing the fear of the reader as well, but you are also letting the reader know that it's not going to happen. Why not draw out the suspense a littler longer? There's nothing wrong with five extra seconds of anticipation. =)

[caraig.livejournal.com]

Hmm, a good idea. Thanks! I'll see what I can do to re-write that part and make it seamless. that was about the point where I had first started to loose steam writing it, so it probably shows! ^^