caraig | The Adventures of Me, Myself, and a Sith, Part 2

I walked into the house happy, despite some punk having put a Snapple under my tire, thus letting it be crushed when my wheel rolled over it. I was reasonably sure that my tire survived, though, so I was all set to go to my Uncle's the following day. This, plus a good day at work, made me cheerful.

That was when I walked right into a six-foot tall smirking pirate as I walked down the stairs.

"Whoa, 'vast there, matey!" he chuckled amicably, as he meandered to the kitchenette. I blinked after him as he joined an equally-tall lupine in grey leathers pawing through the fridge, making commentary to each other.

"Tsk. Not nearly enough fruits and vegetables." This from the lupine.
"Aye, 'e'll be a scurvy dog --"
"'Dog?'"
"No offense."

I turned to Darth Nukus, who was chortling over the microwave oven and rubbing his hands in unholy glee. "I thought I told you: No subletting!"

"Don't look at me, they're your subconscious."

"What, Long Jon Orichalka and a werewolf?"

"The werewolf, if you had listened to my training, my young apprentice, is a Lensman. A space opera paladin."

"I am not your apprentice, and you never taught me that, I already knew it. And since when would a Sith know about Lensmen?"

".... Moving right along... and the pirate is... well, a pirate."

"What, not a space pirate?"

The pirate called out from the cupboard, "Space is cold, mate. A bit too cold for me."

I facepalmed.

"As it is," the Sith explained with cheerful calm, "they are two aspects of your personality, thus they are given manifestation here."

"What, you mean like you?"

"Aspects of your personality don't threaten to do a drive-by on your moon, apprentice."

Oooh, I'd touched a nerve, there. I let the 'apprentice' barb slide, as I tried to get dinner from around the two new tenants.

"Aye, 'e's needin' some good food 'ere."
"Somehow I don't think what you consider 'good' and what I consider 'remotely edible' are even close."
"Pfft, ye jus' haven't lived."
"I've lived well enough, thanks. For example... let's do word association. Order."
"Chaos. Like ye didn' see that comin'!"
"All right. Upholding the law."
"Bendin' the rules."
"You lie like a rug."
"'Breakin' the rules' doesn' ha' th' same ring to it."
"Indeed. Carl Orff."
"Floggin' Molly."
"Beethoven."
"Beethoven On Speed!"
"Honesty."
"Plunder."
"Loyalty."
"Sharin' plunder wi' yer mates."
"Duty."
"Watchin' yer mates' backs."
"So you can stab them?"
"No! ... Only the ones 'o deserve it."
"Hmph. Reprobate."
"Just a man tryin' ta make 'is way in th' world."
"A good steak."
"Hard tack. With sprinkles."
"Okay, interesting. Wine."
"Rum!"
"Healthy living to stay awake and alert at all times."
"Caffeinated rum!"
"... Really?"

At that moment, I wondered how the hell you make a grin audible.