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caraigIt's been a long day -- and it's only noon -- but I thought I should give something of an update.
Mom's condition continues to remain relatively the same, stable but confused, delusional, and confused. The doctor has said, basically, that within one to two weeks she will (probably) become lucid and coherent, or (possibly) she won't. Either way, the hospital can no longer help or provide 'acute care,' as they say. I won't say they're pushing her out the door... but it sometimes feels like it.
To that end we have been looking at options for continued care. These options are home care or a nursing home. Home care, at this time, is probably not a good idea. Aside from inadequate arrangements, my father is, currently, an emotional wreck and wouldn't be able to bear it. Which is, sadly, understandable because several times I've felt myself on the edge of it as well. And having her go to my brother's home is likewise not terribly acceptable. It's not her home... and I feel that it's not something his kids should deal with on a day-to-day basis. Eventually they may have to... but not now.
(Once again, this underscores the failure of the nuclear family. If our society hadn't been so quick to minimize the importance of the extended family or even the clan structure, then the burden of care for everyone involved in this sort of situation would be lessened, albeit spread about. Instead, we advocate kicking the fledglings out of the nest and relegating family to gathering once or twice a month if that. Thank heavens that my brother's really stepped to the fore in this. I think I would have self-defenestrated long before now if he hadn't been as involved as he chose to be. So, yes, mock if you wish, say it's an outdated concept, say I'm being stupidly archaic or 'utopioanist,' but I think we kind of overlooked some of the importance of the clan in our rush to embrace the 'self-sufficient' nuclear family (which it patently isn't.) Granted, as seen with the kibbutzim, there's issues with an extended family/communal situation as well. But damned if I wouldn't be a little more comfortable with a few more family involved in this.)
That leaves a nursing home. I once swore that I wouldn't put mom in a home. It's certainly damn hard choice to make. Nobody really wants to do it because it carries with it the feeling of 'abandonment.' I'm still not entirely free from guilt over this. There are additional worries I've had as well.
A few years ago, I worked at a nursing home in Brooklyn. This was a sad, sad, unhappy place. My prior experience with a nursing home had been an assisted living center in Bangor, Maine, which was basically a little arcology, very warm and comfortable and nice. The home in Brooklyn was anything but. It was a hospital. Worse, it was a hospital with substandard care standards. I've mentioned this to some people before, and you can mock if you wish -- I'll just ignore you -- but walking in the first day I had the uncomfortable feeling of walking into a wall of spiritual miasma throughout the place. It was awful, and it never got better for me.
Today we visited two homes on Staten Island. I fully expected that same 'wall' when I walked through the doors. But both were clean, comfortable palces, still kind of institution-like but... warmer. They didn't feel horrible like the Brooklyn home did. They seemed professional, clean, well-kept. The homes felt lived-in, like they were meant to be lived in and not died in. And there was no wall.
QX, enough 'new-age hippie crap.' I think that between the two homes we looked at, they're both good places, and that mom would be cared for very well at either one. Wether in two weeks she'll be well enough to come home, or if in two weeks... she isn't... well, we'll see, and I think she'll get great care from the staffs of either place.
Anyway, nothing else to report for now. Off to the hospital to visit mom and see how she's doing. Pax.
Mom's condition continues to remain relatively the same, stable but confused, delusional, and confused. The doctor has said, basically, that within one to two weeks she will (probably) become lucid and coherent, or (possibly) she won't. Either way, the hospital can no longer help or provide 'acute care,' as they say. I won't say they're pushing her out the door... but it sometimes feels like it.
To that end we have been looking at options for continued care. These options are home care or a nursing home. Home care, at this time, is probably not a good idea. Aside from inadequate arrangements, my father is, currently, an emotional wreck and wouldn't be able to bear it. Which is, sadly, understandable because several times I've felt myself on the edge of it as well. And having her go to my brother's home is likewise not terribly acceptable. It's not her home... and I feel that it's not something his kids should deal with on a day-to-day basis. Eventually they may have to... but not now.
(Once again, this underscores the failure of the nuclear family. If our society hadn't been so quick to minimize the importance of the extended family or even the clan structure, then the burden of care for everyone involved in this sort of situation would be lessened, albeit spread about. Instead, we advocate kicking the fledglings out of the nest and relegating family to gathering once or twice a month if that. Thank heavens that my brother's really stepped to the fore in this. I think I would have self-defenestrated long before now if he hadn't been as involved as he chose to be. So, yes, mock if you wish, say it's an outdated concept, say I'm being stupidly archaic or 'utopioanist,' but I think we kind of overlooked some of the importance of the clan in our rush to embrace the 'self-sufficient' nuclear family (which it patently isn't.) Granted, as seen with the kibbutzim, there's issues with an extended family/communal situation as well. But damned if I wouldn't be a little more comfortable with a few more family involved in this.)
That leaves a nursing home. I once swore that I wouldn't put mom in a home. It's certainly damn hard choice to make. Nobody really wants to do it because it carries with it the feeling of 'abandonment.' I'm still not entirely free from guilt over this. There are additional worries I've had as well.
A few years ago, I worked at a nursing home in Brooklyn. This was a sad, sad, unhappy place. My prior experience with a nursing home had been an assisted living center in Bangor, Maine, which was basically a little arcology, very warm and comfortable and nice. The home in Brooklyn was anything but. It was a hospital. Worse, it was a hospital with substandard care standards. I've mentioned this to some people before, and you can mock if you wish -- I'll just ignore you -- but walking in the first day I had the uncomfortable feeling of walking into a wall of spiritual miasma throughout the place. It was awful, and it never got better for me.
Today we visited two homes on Staten Island. I fully expected that same 'wall' when I walked through the doors. But both were clean, comfortable palces, still kind of institution-like but... warmer. They didn't feel horrible like the Brooklyn home did. They seemed professional, clean, well-kept. The homes felt lived-in, like they were meant to be lived in and not died in. And there was no wall.
QX, enough 'new-age hippie crap.' I think that between the two homes we looked at, they're both good places, and that mom would be cared for very well at either one. Wether in two weeks she'll be well enough to come home, or if in two weeks... she isn't... well, we'll see, and I think she'll get great care from the staffs of either place.
Anyway, nothing else to report for now. Off to the hospital to visit mom and see how she's doing. Pax.
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-13 08:07 pm (UTC)Take care of yourself, guy. Your brother and your mom sound like they're both doing the best they can, and it's not your job to make your dad shape up -- don't tear yourself apart about that, okay?