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Dreams Again
Well, back again from some trip or another. It went well! Now I need to catch up on the work that's piled up, and continue the job hunting in earnest.
As you can probably tell from the Mood tag, this isn't a terribly great entry in part, so I'll
I had a dream last night -- well, rather, this morning, just before I woke up. There was a girl in high schol I was head over heels for, by the name of Danielle. I manage to keep myself from thinking too much about that mess. Let's just say I was hardly in fine form and looking back I shouldn't be surprised that it got frustrating for her. Besides, knowing who I was in high school, it can hardly be very flattering to have someone like how I was mooning over you.
Anyway. We haven't spoken since a bit after high school, at her best friend's wedding. Every so often I remember her, and depending on how I feel either I sink deeper into depression or I get a bit bittersweet with memory.
I saw her in my dreams last night. The meeting was good, it was friendly and pleasant and very comfortable. We chatted, we laughed, we enjoyed each others' company.
Earlier today, in the waking world, on a whim I plugged her name into Google.
You can see what's coming, can't you? Funny; I should have, but didn't. So what I saw kind of hurt.
There was a link to a page of wedding announcements on Staten Island. Since she lived or lives on Staten Island, the odds are spectacularly good that it was her. It happened Saturday, August 2nd.
This brings to mind a dream I had many many years ago. I dreamed I was watching her wedding from a glassed-in balcony in a church -- disturbingly similar to the church in The Graduate, before I'd even seen that movie. It was hard to go through that in a dream; I suppose I should be glad that I didn't have to go through that in the waking world.
Some things I can remember with awful clarity. Her face and voice, right now, are one of those.
I'm not sure why this depresses me so. I think it's less of her actually getting married, than it is of events in life rubbing my nose in the string of unsuccessful attempts at finding a relationship, both the mundane and the spectacular failures. Or maybe it's just a reminder of ... things.
But I guess when you get down to it, it really doesn't matter.
Anyway. I'll try to find something at least a LITTLE funny for my next entry, I promise! =) Hell, it'd do me a world of good to laugh, anyway. This week will be more looking for work. I can only hope I find something soon but I actually feel reasonably optimistic. Why, I don't know. Maybe because I'm thinking that I can't get much more down than I already am, so the only way to go is up, right?
Pax.
As you can probably tell from the Mood tag, this isn't a terribly great entry in part, so I'll
I had a dream last night -- well, rather, this morning, just before I woke up. There was a girl in high schol I was head over heels for, by the name of Danielle. I manage to keep myself from thinking too much about that mess. Let's just say I was hardly in fine form and looking back I shouldn't be surprised that it got frustrating for her. Besides, knowing who I was in high school, it can hardly be very flattering to have someone like how I was mooning over you.
Anyway. We haven't spoken since a bit after high school, at her best friend's wedding. Every so often I remember her, and depending on how I feel either I sink deeper into depression or I get a bit bittersweet with memory.
I saw her in my dreams last night. The meeting was good, it was friendly and pleasant and very comfortable. We chatted, we laughed, we enjoyed each others' company.
Earlier today, in the waking world, on a whim I plugged her name into Google.
You can see what's coming, can't you? Funny; I should have, but didn't. So what I saw kind of hurt.
There was a link to a page of wedding announcements on Staten Island. Since she lived or lives on Staten Island, the odds are spectacularly good that it was her. It happened Saturday, August 2nd.
This brings to mind a dream I had many many years ago. I dreamed I was watching her wedding from a glassed-in balcony in a church -- disturbingly similar to the church in The Graduate, before I'd even seen that movie. It was hard to go through that in a dream; I suppose I should be glad that I didn't have to go through that in the waking world.
Some things I can remember with awful clarity. Her face and voice, right now, are one of those.
I'm not sure why this depresses me so. I think it's less of her actually getting married, than it is of events in life rubbing my nose in the string of unsuccessful attempts at finding a relationship, both the mundane and the spectacular failures. Or maybe it's just a reminder of ... things.
But I guess when you get down to it, it really doesn't matter.
Anyway. I'll try to find something at least a LITTLE funny for my next entry, I promise! =) Hell, it'd do me a world of good to laugh, anyway. This week will be more looking for work. I can only hope I find something soon but I actually feel reasonably optimistic. Why, I don't know. Maybe because I'm thinking that I can't get much more down than I already am, so the only way to go is up, right?
Pax.